Broaching the subject of moving a loved one into senior assisted living can be uncomfortable, but clear communication is the key to making sure both parties are heard. The topic should be part of an ongoing discussion, allowing both parties to mull over the details and the wishes of the other.
Preparation is the key. Know facts before bringing up the topic, so that you may more easily assuage your loved one’s fears. Here are some considerations:
Your tone and vocabulary can have a great impact on how your loved one feels about the conversation. use a pleasant tone of voice and avoid sounding frustrated or condescending. Instead of “facility” or “group home”, call it a “community”. “Rooms” can be “condos”, “suites” or “apartments”. Most of all, let them know that they are being heard, and have a voice in their future.
Ask for their opinion on tough subjects such as what to do if a spouse dies, or if a medical condition requires greater care. Let them have a say in the discussion, but let them know you are concerned for their ongoing welfare and want only the best for them.
Many seniors struggle with the notion of mortality, and fear that an assisted living community will be the last place they will live in this lifetime. Others worry about their changing role from caregiver to recipient, and dread being powerless, or feeling like a burden. Others may fear a perceived loss of independence. That is why it is important to allow them to have as much say and control as is feasible. Make them feel empowered in their future, while highlighting the benefits of communal assisted living.
There are many types of assisted living centers available, dependent on the needs, wishes, and financial means of seniors and their families. Research all of these options and have a frank discussion with your loved one. Provide brochures and pamphlets or websites that they can review on their own time.
Over the course of a year or 18 months, make note of any change in your loved one’s condition or medications. Provide this timeline as an example of how things may be expected to progress in the future, with the emphasis that you want them to receive the best possible care. Many times, changes are so small in increments that we lose the scope of how massive the changes are over time.